


i know you even in the wake of my unbecoming

by yaku



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spirited Away, Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/F, cameos from other characters - Freeform, sorry no face was a no show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:55:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26183014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yaku/pseuds/yaku
Summary: Once, when she was young, Hitoka fell into a river.
Relationships: Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26
Collections: Haikyuu Girls Week 2020





	i know you even in the wake of my unbecoming

**Author's Note:**

> >   
> We are surrounded by so much clear water.  
> Can you hear it? Morning will come, I will run with you to the river and show you your lovely reflection.  
> 
> 
>   
> **SEAMLESSNESS** , _Logan February_

i.

Overhead, the sky had blended into the colour of murky ash. It was only earlier that they’d been driving through the forest, Hitoka lying in the back, her head a dream of flowers. The small gaps between the trees were blue filtering gold. Morning had come and gone in what felt like minutes. 

Crumpled on the ground, fearfully overlooking a river that seemed to be getting larger with every gasped breath — morning had never felt so far away. 

The boat had already left. Its strange passengers spluttered out, one by one, onto the bank. When they disembarked, they took the dim, eerie glow of the vessel with them. Now it was almost entirely dark, and Hitoka was petrified. 

Her fingertips shone under moonlight like glass. Her palms were little more than a shade, their outlines an illusion in the wind. Even if she tried to swim across, the river would just swallow her up.

She was stuck here forever. Mama was a pig, and she was going to die here, or vanish, whichever came first. She knocked her head against her knees. _I’m sorry, Mama, you were right, I was wrong. I can’t do anything on my own._

Grass rustled.

Hitoka immediately scampered back, a scream ready to claw its way out from her throat. Then she saw who it was. 

The girl was by far the most beautiful person she had ever seen. Dark hair spilling over her shoulders, flawless skin. She was clad in white robes lined with blue. Her eyes were a shimmer in the night, the light betraying unimaginable depth.

“Do not be afraid,” said the goddess-like person, crouching down in front of her. She pressed something cool and solid into Hitoka’s hands; a small glass jar of konpeito. “I am your friend.”

✧

ii.

They made their way to a secluded area outside one of the houses. Behind them, the door hadn’t been slid all the way shut. Yellow bled from the crack, her new friend caught in its stream. The attendants were still searching for her. Their noise had lit up the city.

“I’m sorry,” Hitoka blurted out, before the other girl could say anything. “I didn’t— I took a breath.”

Nearly at the end of it, too. She’d been horrified when she realized what happened. The moment had stretched out for so long; the slight motion in her belly, the stillness in the air, and the loud creak of wooden planks when they ran.

It was a waste of her friend’s time. If Hitoka was going to screw up, anyway, then she shouldn’t have bothered to cast the spell.

But the girl only smiled. She caressed Hitoka’s cheek, and used her thumb to wipe at the dampness. Her touch was warm. Despite herself, Hitoka felt her breaths begin to even out. “There’s no need to apologize,” she said kindly. “You did very well.”

Footsteps resounded from inside the building, and the hand on her face became still. An attendant called out, _Kiyoko-sama, where are youuu, we need your help!_

All of a sudden, her shoulders were grasped. The girl had shifted aside, as if blocking her from view. “Listen,” she whispered, tone urgent. “I will go and distract them. You have to escape alone.”

Her? Go by herself? Struck by a burst of selfishness, Hitoka reached for the hem of her billowy sleeve. “No, no, I can’t do it, stay with me,” she said in a rush. “Don’t go!”

“You can,” said the other, disentangling Hitoka’s fingers from her robes. She fixed her with an unreadable stare. “You _must,_ if you want to survive, and to rescue your mother.”

Mama. Turned into a pig, taken away and locked up who knows where… Hitoka swallowed, and asked, “There’s a way to save her?”

“Yes. I will tell you what to do.”

The odd glint in those eyes had returned. She was reminded, abruptly, of the fact that this girl was not human, and could be a powerful being for all she knew. And yet she wasn’t scared. For some reason, Hitoka believed she could trust her. 

  
  
  


_仁花._  
_always remember that i am your friend._  
_i have known you since you were small_  
_/_  
_and since then i have been rendered_  
_unable to forget your greatness._

  
  
  
  


Atsumu neatly erased the first character of her name, and showed her the paper. “From now on, yer gonna be Hana,” he declared. “Ya got that?”

“Yes,” she said, obedient. 

He made a disgruntled noise. With a casual flick of his finger, the massive set of doors opened. There stood Kiyoko - but different, somehow, with a ramrod posture and an expression like knives. “New hire,” said Atsumu. “Look after her.”

She gave a sharp nod. Her back disappeared into the hallway. Hitoka blinked, and hurried after her.

This Kiyoko was strange. Her presence was intimidating, sharp, and rather than being soothed by her calmness, it now made Hitoka feel uncertain. Once they were alone in the elevator, she cast her friend a furtive look. Kiyoko did not return it. Gaze pinned straight ahead, she asked: “What is your name?”

Didn’t she already know? “Hi—” Oh, wait. “Hana,” she corrected herself. She wanted to talk to her, but she was too nervous to speak. They descended in silence. When the door clicked open, Kiyoko stepped out first.

Without so much as a backwards glance, she said: “Hana, follow me.” Left with no other choice, ‘Hana’ trailed after her.

✧

iii.

Nestled within her clothes was a farewell card. There were bright drawings on one side, and on the other, a word. “What is this?” she asked, trying to decipher the kanji.

“You tell me,” said Kiyoko. They were sitting next to each other, shoulder-to-shoulder. Kiyoko smelled like fresh laundry and mint plants. She stared at Hana the way a bird would, if it landed on your bedroom window and brought you a small rock. 

Hana turned to the paper again, ears prickling with heat. “I think it says… hi-to-ka. Hitoka.” Huh. She turned the word over in her mind, the taste of the syllables familiar on her tongue. Kiyoko was still watching her. Waiting. 

The look in those eyes was exactly like last night - a scintillating, unyielding focus. 

The answer came to her in an instant. “It’s my name!” 

Finally, Kiyoko smiled. “I’m glad you remembered.” It dawned on Hitoka that this was the first time she’d seen her friend smile. She was neutral at best, restrained at worst. The curve of her lips was slight, but definite. A current on the river’s surface.

She continued: “Atsumu rules over the spirits by taking their names. In the bathhouse, you are Hana, but you mustn't forget who you really are. Otherwise, you’ll never be able to return home.”

“I won’t,” said Hitoka, with conviction. “And I won’t tell other people either. I’ll only share my real name with you.”

The promise reverberated throughout the garden; a strong breeze blew past them, carrying with it the scent of flowers. Kiyoko seemed at a loss for words. Then she touched Hitoka’s wrist. 

“I’ve long since forgotten my real name,” she confessed, so quiet that the wind could drown out her voice. “But it’s strange. I remember yours.”

Eventually, she let go, Hitoka’s skin flaring where hers had met it, and reached into her pockets for a meatbun. “Eat it. You will need to regain your strength.”

Hitoka wished she could do something for her in return. Instead, all she could was take the proffered food. 

From the first bite, it tasted like home.

✧

iv.

By all rights, Hitoka should have been exhausted. About fifty hours ago, she’d never so much as exercised, save for the warmups in P.E. class. Then she’d had to go through two grueling shifts in the bathhouse. After yesterday’s ordeal with the River God, she’d woken up with her muscles sore and stiff. It ached to move.

She’d known the dragon was Kiyoko without having to be told; they had the same eyes, mirrors into a soul that was meant to run free, untamed. The sight of her wounds had galvanized Hitoka into action. Her legs were moving on willpower alone.

Because it was Kiyoko’s blood drying on her hands, she didn’t care about anything else.

She tore through the bathhouse, snuck into Atsumu’s quarters, was waylaid by Bo, and standing here in front of this Atsumu-lookalike, she stood her ground. “What do you want with Kiyoko?” she demanded of him, the steel in her voice surprising even herself. 

Osamu picked up a trinket from his brother’s desk and held it up to the light. Satisfied with the quality, he kept it for himself. “The dragon’s a thief,” he said, like they were discussing the weather. “She stole a seal from my house. Probably under Tsumu’s orders.”

Her hackles rose at the insult. She moved forward, shielding Kiyoko from him. “Kiyoko is a good person,” she said fiercely. “She wouldn’t do any of that. And she’s already hurt, so you can just leave her alone.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Y’know, there’s no use in protecting her,” he said, nicking another artifact from Atsumu’s desk. “The seal is made to curse anyone who tries to steal it. I’d say she doesn’t have very long.”

  
  
  


It was another wild goose chase back to the bathhouse. Kiyoko, still in dragon form, zig-zagged through the corridors, coal-like liquid dripping from her maw. When she collapsed, Hitoka coiled her head around her shoulders and carried (dragged) her to Ukai’s, which was thankfully a few minutes away.

Kiyoko was coughing uncontrollably, tremors going through her body. It wasn’t like earlier where she was thrashing about. She was struggling to fight against whatever was in her system. “Don’t give up,” Hitoka pleaded, trying to ease her, but she didn’t seem to hear. She looked at Ukai for help.

“Don’t know a thing about witchcraft,” said Ukai, shrugging his shoulders in regret. “Can’t do anything for you.”

Hitoka shifted, considering. She didn’t want to leave Kiyoko here, but she needed to call for help, or at least find medicine. She hadn’t any possessions of her own - just the clothes, the letter, and the River God’s gift. Maybe…

She brought out the pudgy object. “Kiyoko, I got this from the River God,” she said, hoping her friend could understand her. “Try eating it, see if it helps.”

The dragon eyed it, then licked a long stripe across its surface, even though it was sitting on Hitoka’s palm. She must have decided it wouldn’t make things worse, because she was readily gobbling it up. She swallowed it whole with an audible _gulp._

“Good, good,” said Hitoka, a bit relieved. The coughing had stopped. Kiyoko was still trembling, however. With a final jerk, she rotated and spat a small, moving thing out onto the floor. Bo leapt from her shoulder - she’d almost forgotten he was there - and chased it around, but it continued to evade him.

Hitoka stood as well, intending to take it, but the thing ran into her, and was squashed under her heel. Oh no. She lifted her foot. Blessedly, the clay was intact. Dirt sludged off its surface. 

Ukai huffed and came down from his perch to inspect it. “It’s a seal,” he confirmed.

Beside her, Kiyoko was sleeping. The dragon form had dissipated and given way to the human one. Her injuries had transferred over, her body married with various cuts and bruises. 

“I knew it was you,” Hitoka breathed out, leaning over her. Careful not to jostle her, she checked her temperature. Her forehead was hot to the touch. Her chest rose and fell in tiny increments. “She’s barely breathing,” she said to Ukai, wringing her hands in worry.

The soot balls delivered her a vial. She peered at the contents. “It’s safe,” assured Ukai, and with some hesitation, she tipped it into Kiyoko’s open mouth. 

He crawled back to his seat, tending to the flames with a practiced hand. “Kiyoko showed up here one day, just like you,” he said. “She wanted to learn magic from Atsumu. I said it wasn’t a good idea, but, well. She didn’t have anywhere else to go. I couldn’t stop her.” 

Bo had joined the soot balls in working, but he didn’t seem to be very good at it. Ukai set him aside, and continued: “The longer she worked here, the more she changed. She got quiet, her gaze got darker. I don’t know. She’s a lot different from how she used to be.”

Hitoka picked the seal off the floor. It was clean now, and Osamu’s likeness was imprinted on it. This was evidence that Osamu was right, and Kiyoko had really stolen from him. Her heart grew heavier at the thought. 

Kiyoko was so kind; the idea of her doing such things was almost impossible to comprehend. She wondered about the other atrocities Kiyoko had been asked to commit in someone else’s name. 

At the end of it all, she still trusted that Kiyoko’s heart was good. 

Her decision made, she closed her fist around the seal. “Ukai-san,” she said. “Please tell me where Osamu lives.”

✧

v.

“No can do,” said Osamu, setting a plate in front of her. “Ya gotta sort this mess out yourself.”

She must have looked particularly miserable, because he sighed, and went on: “It’s one of the rules in this place. Your business is yours. Can’t drag anyone else into it.”

Opposite her, Bo had climbed up onto the table cloth. He was digging into his meal with gusto. For a second, Hitoka felt envious of him and his lack of problems. Then she remembered he’d been turned into a mouse. 

“Well, there’s something else,” she said, slowly. “Do you think it’s possible that… Kiyoko and I know each other? From before?”

There weren’t any words for it. At least, none that she knew of. It was as duplicitous as the tide - the fleeting touch of water on the shore, the constant push and pull. It was like waking from a dream you couldn’t recall, and finding that it had come true. 

Osamu had untied his apron and hung it over the back of a chair. At her question, he blinked. “That’s easy, ain’t it? What do _you_ think?” He grabbed the cutlery out of Bo’s reach, and said, “Nothing that happens is forgotten. Even if you can’t remember it, the memory still exists.”

  
  
  


The dragon had been waiting for Hitoka, her shadow casting spirals on the pathway. She raised her head when they approached, and Hitoka saw that she had healed entirely, the stab wound a light scar on her front belly. 

“Kiyoko!” she cried, dashing forward. They met in the middle, Hitoka’s head buried in the crook of her long neck. “Kiyoko, you’re here! Are you sure you’re alright?” A nod, fur brushing alongside her arm. “I’m so glad.”

Osamu saw them off with a kind word for Kiyoko and a recipe that went in Hitoka’s pocket. “Go on,” he said, an almost-smile reaching his eyes. “And good luck.”

And so they went; Hitoka clambered over Kiyoko’s back, holding onto her by the horns, and they flew.

Behind them, the whole expanse of the sky stretched out. Wind swept past her ears, and she clung on harder, not wanting to be separated. Kiyoko made a soft sound, and she loosened her grip in understanding.

Of course she wouldn’t let her fall.

Hitoka relaxed against her, silent. She’d been left alone with her thoughts for the better part of the evening, but she was still having trouble figuring out how to express them aloud. 

Behind them, the sky was a bottomless body of water, and the moon a sphere resting on its surface. How could she have been so afraid of the night, she wondered, when it was the same dizzying colour as Kiyoko’s eyes?

She swooped, and Hitoka felt her hair come loose from its ponytail, whipping around her face. She was struck with a sudden vision, a memory overlapping with the present: the current surrounding her, bringing her to safety.

The world was what it had been then. A girl and her river, seamlessly flowing together. 

“Kiyoko…” she started, and the dragon shifted in response, scales rippling. “I don’t remember it, but my mother told me a story from my childhood. Once, when I was younger, I fell into a river.”

They dove down into the clouds, the stars polished stones scattered between them. “They drained it, and built over it,” she continued. “But I’ve just remembered its name. Kiyoko, listen—”

She craned down, mouth over her ear, and whispered her real name.

Blue eyes opened wide in shock. Hitoka had a split second to lean backward, and then the dragon was shattering beneath her, shards of paper floating away and leaving a girl in its wake.

The feel of Kiyoko’s hand in her own was enough to make her cry. Kiyoko was so beautiful. Her hair was a dark swirl in the night breeze, her pupils blown wide. And she was smiling - truly smiling, with all her teeth. “You remembered it,” she said, amazed.

She tested her name aloud, and Hitoka parroted it back to her, blindingly happy with its rediscovery. “It’s a beautiful name,” she sighed. “Fitting for a goddess.”

Again, they rose into the air. Kiyoko leaned in close, her forehead touching Hitoka’s. “I remember, too,” she told her, as certain as a vow. “You had dropped your shoe, so you went to look for it, without knowing how to swim.”

Her fingers reached out, delicately tucking blond strands behind her ear. “When you fell into me, all I saw first was your hair. I thought the sun itself had come down to say hello.”

“You carried me to shallow waters,” said Hitoka, her heart too big for her chest, swelling and crashing against her ribs. “Thank you, Kiyoko. I’m so grateful I met you.”

They had slowed to a drift, the bathhouse visible in the distance. “Yachi Hitoka,” and she liked how Kiyoko called her name, like she was savoring the sound, “You are my greatest blessing.”

Kiyoko pulled her in, close, and Hitoka let the waters swallow her whole.

✧

vi.

Hitoka said her goodbyes to everyone, then made her way across the bridge. Kiyoko was waiting, again, and she took her hand with ease. “Where’s Mama?” she asked.

“She went on ahead,” said Kiyoko, looking pointedly in the direction of the shrine. “Let’s go.”

They dashed through the streets; the city was empty during the day, stripped bare by sunlight. When they reached the gate, they stopped. Where the grey river had been was a field of grass, and further ahead, the mouth of the tunnel.

Kiyoko was standing a little ways behind. “This is far as I go,” she told Hitoka. “Return to your family, and don’t look back until then, alright?”

She nodded, but felt uneasy. “Kiyoko, what about you?”

Her eyes twinkled. “I’ll talk to Atsumu about quitting my apprenticeship,” she explained. “I’ll be fine. After all, you gave my name back to me.”

“Are we ever meeting again?” 

“Of course.” Kiyoko squeezed her hand. “I promise you. Now go on, and remember what I said.”

With that, they let go of each other.

Hitoka didn’t let herself mourn the temporary loss. She ran past the grass, and into the tunnel. There was no need to look back.

✧

_i know you even in the wake of my unbecoming_  
_footprints on the riverbed / the shape of my heart_  
_when you are lost i will keep you_  
_as the moon gathers light, second-hand_  
_from a distant star / from an ancient memory / from a reoccurring dream._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for making it to the end! 🐣


End file.
